I believe I was ually abused?

Go an talk to a counsellor in confidence. If you can't remember it may be that you've repressed it, which is common in childhood because you are still dominated by primal instincts which sometimes suppress memories so that you can get on with things and be as alert and happy as possible. A counsellor might suggest hypnosis, which is often seen as a bit of a joke but is psychologically proven and very effective as far as regaining repressed memories. You are taken through some steps that allow yourself to go into a half-sleep like state. You can still hear and interact but you're not making any conscious decisions so you're mind cannot decide to repress a memory or keep something from the therapist. You should remember it when you wake up and it's very relaxing. Probably worth a try? Even if no memories are exposed, it should help your therapist get down to the cause for your worries, and actions as a child. either way, it's worth talking to someone- whether you were abused or not you should probably seek help. x